Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
