Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
