Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
