you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
