Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
