So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
