Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
