She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
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