I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i would one night stand the shit outta him
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
