A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
