I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
