goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
