i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
