I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
