i think my mom watched the whole time
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
