Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize