the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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