Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
