I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
