i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
We're too hungover to prance.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
