i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
