I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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