dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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