dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
