I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I want to fling myself into the sun
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
