In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
