He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
