I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
