I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
