Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
