why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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