roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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