Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize