god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I didn't shave. On purpose
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
