Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
