Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
