she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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