My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
