I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
