So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
