dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
