Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
