Im at strip club and am horny
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
