and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
