dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
