her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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