i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
