i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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