there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
