How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
