This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
