Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
