I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
