She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize