My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
