distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
