if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
