oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
