Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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