The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
