last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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