she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
