do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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