Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
