a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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