Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
