When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
