That's intense
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
